Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood!

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood

SF and I drove my Fong and Kwee to the hospital today for his scan. Ever since Kwee has been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer, life has been quite a downward spiral for him. Yes, despite the outpouring of concern from Fong who spends practically all her available time with him, and Hoon and Yin plying him with all sorts of anti-cancer herbs and supplements, to SF and me driving him to hospital early morning …. Frankly, I think what the guy needs is to mix around with people his age or a support group so he could share his pain and frustrations …. Instead of moping about at home and feeling so useless. The poor guy. I think too much attention by my sisters-in-law, although, yes, they mean well, and their morbid sense of prolonging his life by believing in every anti-cancer herb that come their way, is making him very very losing control of his life. He’s so fragile now, staying home too much has deprived him of his sense of surroundings. And because he is at home staring at the four walls all day … He would wonder about life and feel helpless and the depression would start …. And everyone would be at a loss on what to do …. And SF and my sisters-in-law would fret and worry … Why can’t they see that what is important is for the guy to get a grip on his life, go out, get some friends his age and do some work? Or volunteer? He needs a support group to feel needed, that he’s not a burden to anyone (which I’m sure he feels now). I think this is what community is about. In Singapore, the endless drive to keep up with rising prices and maintain a Swiss standard of living sans the Swiss lifestyle is not helping much …..

So here, again, is the stark difference between how I live my life and SF’s family living theirs. I think losing Daddy at 23 propelled me to suddenly have to fend for my family. Having Pat at 25 added a certain kind of responsibility …… So at a ripe age of 25, I juggled multiple roles of wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and to top it all, studies and a career. Man! Was it tough? Now, looking back at it after 30 years …. I don’t think so. I think I just had to grow up overnight 🙂 For SF’s family, there was complete reliance on their parents till he turned 50 …. So I think, yes, we fear illness, and suddenly to face it, especially when it attacks a loved one, is a fear we grapple with everyday. I think it’s the fear of growing old, the fear of being alone, the fear of not being useful anymore that shakes them more than the illness itself! Fear paralyses. Worry paralyses. We just have to live our life! Today. Now!

Do I fear growing old? Do I fear being alone? Yes, before my life turned topsy-turvy at 44. Suddenly a great big storm came and I had to change … I had to learn new things. I had a choice. To admit defeat and tell myself: I am useless. I can’t do anything. Or to take a long hard look at myself and say, there must be a reason why this is happening to me. I shared all this in my book. In essence, Love! Live Dangerously! And Have Fun! is about what life should be. So, when I say I am beyond fear 🙂 …. I mean that “nothing is life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”

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